The Ten Promises

I titled a recent comic strip Seventh Commandment as natural law because it's about a girl who claims that she didn't cheat on her boyfriend because (using a Meher Baba quote for support) all beings are one and infidelity is therefore impossible.  The Seventh Commandment, of course, is from a different tradition entirely, but it's the one about adultery, so in that title I'm asking the question, what if it was a description of how the universe works instead of an imperative about how you ought to behave?  I thought about that some more and realized that a similar question is worth asking about all the Ten Commandments, not just that one.

If you read up on English usage you'll encounter the rule (which some people still use, and others consider archaic) that "will" and "shall" have different meanings:  "will" refers to a person's intention and "shall" merely describes expected events.  So, for instance, the person who falls into the sea and can't swim says "Help me, I shall drown!" and the person who jumps in intending to commit suicide says "Don't help me, I will drown!" If you interpret statements like "Thou shalt not commit adultery" under that rule, then they change character dramatically.  Instead of being wishful thinking about how people should behave, it becomes a definite statement about the possibility of actual events.  Adultery - not possible.

Before going further I'd like to give some disclaimers:  I'm not claiming that this interpretation has anything to do with what was intended by whoever wrote the original Ten Commandments.  I'm not Christian or Jewish myself and don't have a religious obligation to follow any form of this text.  I'm not claiming that the translators who chose to use "shall" in translating that text were following the "shall = description" rule at all.  It seems pretty clear that the Ten Commandments really are meant to be imperative in nature - rules you're supposed to follow and capable of not following.  What I'm talking about here is a deliberate and significant re-reading of the text to make it into promises instead of commandments; I don't claim that this is the "correct" reading.

But with all that said, the Ten Commandments do sound pretty good if you interpret them as descriptions or promises instead of imperatives.  It might help to prefix some of them with something like "In the Kingdom of Heaven." The result, rephrased from commandments to promises, comes out something like the following.  King James Version text from Exodus 20 (not my favourite, but it's public domain), my interpolations in [square brackets].  It doesn't take all that much rewriting to change the meaning significantly.

And God spake all these words, saying, I am the LORD thy God, which have brought thee out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of bondage.  [In my Kingdom, t]hou shalt have no [need for] other gods before me.  [I will provide for all thy needs.]

Thou shalt not [be required to] make unto thee any graven image, or any likeness of any thing that is in heaven above, or that is in the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth.  [I will not force you to make do with imitations.] Thou shalt not [be required to] bow down thyself to them, nor serve them:  for I the LORD thy God am a jealous God, visiting the iniquity of the fathers upon the children unto the third and fourth generation of them that hate me; and shewing mercy unto thousands of them that love me, and keep my commandments.  [The "jealous God" bit is difficult, but note that He promises mercy and love to adherents, in the same sentence.]

Thou shalt not take the name of the LORD thy God in vain; for [when thou callst, I will answer;] the LORD will not hold him guiltless that taketh his name in vain.

Remember the sabbath day, to keep it holy.  [In my kingdom, s]ix days shalt thou labour, and do all thy work:  But the seventh day is the sabbath of the LORD thy God:  in it thou shalt not [be required to] do any work, thou, nor thy son, nor thy daughter, thy manservant, nor thy maidservant, nor thy cattle, nor thy stranger that is within thy gates:  For in six days the LORD made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that in them is, and rested the seventh day:  wherefore the LORD blessed the sabbath day, and hallowed it.

[Thy h]onour[ed] father and [] mother [shall be with you in my kingdom.  T]hy days [will] be long upon the land which the LORD thy God giveth thee.

Thou shalt not [die.]

Thou shalt not [need or be able to] commit adultery [because I will ensure your need for love is provided for, and all are one in my love].

Thou shalt not [be forced to] steal.

[In my kingdom, people tell the truth and don't transgress against each other.] Thou shalt not [have any reason to] bear false witness against thy neighbour.

[In my kingdom, thou shalt have all thou needest.] Thou shalt not [be left to] covet thy neighbour's house, thou shalt not [be left to] covet thy neighbour's wife, nor his manservant, nor his maidservant, nor his ox, nor his ass, nor any thing that is thy neighbour's.

I think it's especially interesting that many of these end up sounding like rephrasings of the same general concept - almost as if someone started with a universal statement and made a list of its notable consequences, which happens to be a very typical rhetorical form in the Old Testament.